Do you hate my freedom?

As promised in the previous entry, this week we will discuss the crazy, unique and eerily beautiful Caribbean paradise that is Cuba. Visiting Cuba was something that I had long wanted to do. Seeing an actual hardcore socialist country where streets are riddled with vintage American cars had always perplexed me. So when given the opportunity here (visiting Cuba is a fairly common way to spend your fall/spring break for the average exchange student) we decided to go see it for ourselves.

Instead of going to the touristy parts of Cuba (think Gran Canaria in the Caribbean), we opted for a more genuine experience. We stayed a week in Havana, living in the city’s oldest colonial hotel, the Inglaterra. The room was spacious, the minibar stocked with local products such as beer Cristal and the glorious cola-drink of the communist regime; Tukola. The hotel lobby was absolutely stunning and the view from the rooftop superb. We were situated right across Parque central and we were eager to hit the streets to experience the real Cuba. Now at this point everything seems fine and dandy, however, within three minutes of exiting the hotel room, shit hit the fan.  

Hustlers Galore

It became blatantly obvious that the two of us have absolutely zero chance of blending into the crowd, considering that we are not only 20cm taller than everyone else, but also the shade of our skin (which turned from the awkward-white boy - white to a healthy melanoma red as the days passed) was somewhat of a local attraction. Probably the only way we would’ve stuck more out from the crowd was by being blonde girls. As a result, every single taxi driver, cigar salesman and the ubiquitous hustler in Havana was out to get us from day 1. Probably the most memorable occasion of being hustled was our first big hustle. After being turned away from a grocery store by an old man who basically seemed like he was just sitting there counting down the days (it wasn’t a store is what I gathered with my Spanish), a super suave dude popped up out of nowhere promising to show us the way. In just 15 seconds we were seated in a bar and the dude was ordering drinks for us all. Being the untrusting Finns we are, we halted a drink order, saving us from the first step of the hustle. The man then proceeded to recommend things to do in Havana, building up for the next stage. We then waltzed through the world saddest grocery store. The shelves were completely empty, except in the well-stocked rum and tobacco sections. After the absurd grocery store tour, we were offered to take a derelict staircase into what was advertised as a “cigar cooperative”. Instead of getting a few Cohibas for the cheap price of two kidneys, we decided to leave the gentleman hustler be and continued onwards. From then on, the entire trip would be colored by various hustlers and whatnot.

Seems legit

Now, the thing is that we, as Scandinavians, value personal space very much and usually want to be left alone. This is why a hustler culture is one of the most annoying things, especially when practiced aggressively. However, my sympathies go out to the people trying to sell Cuban cigars as cigar factory workers receive their pensions in cigars and therefore the streets are flooded with them. Every single local probably has a transportable stash of shitty cigars just waiting for the perfect sucker to buy some of them for 0.5 Cuban convertibles a piece. Bah, whatever, moving on….

Monetary/ Budgetary Issues

Before the trip I thought Cuba to be a relatively cheap country as it was located in the Caribbean and, most importantly, it was a communist country with not that much wealth. Well, I was dead wrong. Now, don’t get me wrong, some products are dirt cheap, such as alcohol, but restaurants were surprisingly expensive. I do not precisely remember how many Canadian dollars I took with me, but changing 20 Canadian dollars would give you approximately 17 Cuban convertibles.  To give you a sense of how pricy something can be, one of the more expensive bills for my part was something along the lines of 30 to 36 convertibles. This included a starter that was like two main courses mashed together, a main course (Entrecoté steak) and a beer. Oh yeah, by the way, they also use the bread and water hustle. We ended up paying 10 Cuban convertibles for two small baskets of different breads. I could buy five loaves of bread for that price in Canada, IN CANADA.

Now after reading all this you might think that the price level is okay, and don’t sweat it, it is OK. However, adding the fact that you actually need to pay Cuban officials 25 Cuban convertibles to get out of that hell hole of a communist trap, you might get surprised with how much you end up spending. There were no worries of being completely broke, but it wasn’t that far off either.

If you visit Cuba, come prepared with a lot of cash that you can change along the way. Cards are a no no (Well what did you think? Communism is the opposite of credit cards, it’s not like you can go around waving your Corporate Amex in front of waiters)

Things we did in Cuba

We walked around.

Things you can do in Havana

Walk around.

Propaganda posters and murals can be found all over the city

Okay, let’s be serious here

Apart from walking around, we went to the beach a couple of times and also took the local bus tour around the city. As for the Beach, the first day on the beach was actually relaxing and fun, the day after that was not fun as I looked like I’ve been boiled in water my entire life. As I now write this, my skin is still peeling off in snakelike fashion. In before the “Y U NO SUN BLOCK?”, a) I wasn’t prepared to go to the beach in Cuba, b) subsequently I had no sun block beforehand & c) I DID NOT ACCOUNT FOR THE FACT THAT THEY DO NOT SELL ANYTHING ELSE IN CUBA BESIDES RUM AND CIGARS. Last time I checked, rum doesn’t block UV rays, and believe me, I tried. The second day on the beaches of Cuba was windy as hell and at that point I could not imagine anything better than getting your sunburnt body sandblasted for 2 hours. Once again, the rum did not help.

Irrelevant Story coming up

I was confronted by a local law enforcer on the beach for what I thought was me standing too close to the large-ish waves hitting the shore, but as it turns out I had no idea what she meant. At first, to gain my attention, she waved her hands at me and then started to, what to me, seemed like signaling for me to crouch down. After a while of awkward miscommunication and obviously incorrect hand signals, I went up to her to ask if she was mentally ill. Now, she did not understand a word of English, yet she was patrolling a beach meant for tourists. Well, after a couple of seconds of trying to speak English to her, she just looked at me with a look that just screamed out “I’ve never read a book in my entire life” and uttered out a question that would make the intellectual feats of Einstein seem like elementary school bullshit:  “No habla espanol?”. I was stupefied by the brilliance exhibited by this individual, and before I could even respond to the question, the woman started to make gestures with her hands that resembled a game of epileptic rock-paper-scissors. From afar it might have seemed that we were the worst couple at charades ever. Well, after a couple of minutes of “back-and-forth”, I exited the situation without ever knowing what she meant. Once again, the rum did not help.

Irrelevant story ends

As for the bus trip, it’s hard to find words to describe It, not because it was breathtaking or something stupid like that, I just don’t see the point of describing a bus trip. Luckily we took a lot of pictures on the bus trip, so here, take them. (includes all kinds of pictures)

Some of Detroit's finest from times prior to the US embargo bring a unique flavor to Havana

Restaurants and other establishments

Restaurants were ok. You could get away with a pretty big meal for 8 to 12 Cuban convertibles, which was not bad at all. As for the food, it was mostly excellent, except for Café Europe or Restaurant Europe (Can’t get myself to give a crap about the name), which sucked. The night before we finally left Havana to go back “Home” to Canada, we went to eat at one of the only semi-privately owned restaurants in Cuba, Los Nardos. After waiting in line for an hour to get in, we had to wait another hour to be seated, even though half of the seats were empty. Needless to say, the allocation of resources was obviously optimized. Anyways, the food was very good and there was plenty of it. It wasn’t necessarily cheap, but easily worth it.

We actually went to one club during our stay in Havana, Casa de la Musica. Now, I’m not a club person, so needless to say, I did not enjoy it. I even managed to dance with a lady, not a girl, a lady that closely reminded me of the woman on the Chiquita – banana label. Upon realizing that I was indeed dancing with a seemingly old lady, my reaction was to immediately split and run for the bar. Good times. In the end, just another club, nothing special here. Well okay, to be honest, it was a bit sambaesque.

Moreover, we managed to find the Cuban Redfoo. Upon talking to this particular individual, I quickly came to the conclusion that he was partially crazy. Moving on…

Closing Words

Well, what can I really say? The most fun we had was playing drinking games in the hotel and watching the world’s series on ESPN (Go Red Sox!), that in itself tells you a lot about the country.

Havana is a cute city with a lot of relics from times when Coca-Cola was the symbol of freedom (after drinking Tukola for a week, Coca-Cola IS the sweetest nectar of freedom and liberty your lips will ever touch). Apart from seeing the city on various tours and walking around simply experiencing the

cold war exotics, there is not really that much to do in Havana as there is no internet (The first step of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs).

For people thinking about going to Cuba, just go. The country and the city were very much worth seeing regardless if the people are annoying. The fact is that the country is still stuck in the Cuban missile crisis and the revolution and is slowly starting to break away from that as the influence of Castro is ever waning.

The edgy teenager's idol of choice

    Pro tips:

• Bring a lot of cash, you’ll need cash back at home anyway so whatever.
•  Mentally prepare for excessive amounts of hustling
• Speaking some Spanish will make the experience a bit more enjoyable
• Try to find streets that locals live on, they are worth experiencing
• Don’t go into La Floridita to buy million dollar daiquiris. On that same note, don’t buy into any of the Hemingway crap. Useless.
• And the most essential tip: Bring playing cards. You’ll need them.